taken by Matthew Anderson
Prompt posted Oct 9 2006
|Story Type: Combination of Original Story and Fanfiction of sorts.|
Content Cautions: None
Critique: Constructive criticism welcome. Yeah...I know...I'm probably breaking some copyright laws here, but what the hey. I'm not planning on publishing this.
Summary: A message that a starship's captain delivers to new passengers via intercom.
“I’m stepping through the door
and I’m floating in a most peculiar way”
--David Bowie Best of Bowie “Space Oddity"
Welcome aboard Spaceship Japan, where it’s everything Japanese, all the time. This is your captain, Troll Hobgob, speaking, and I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce you to your crew. Second in command is an esteemed colleague of mine, Major Hentai, who holds a doctoral degree in mature anime. Gendo Ikari is chief engineer; Lucy, chief security officer; and Sailor Moon, ship’s empath. Claus Valca and Lavie Head will pilot the ship.
I’m sorry to inform you that we have been having some difficulties with our ship’s computer. As you are already aware, Spaceship Japan is a sentient being, and unfortunately she is going through “that part of her cycle,” so if she’s a little bit short with you when responding to your requests, well, now you know why. Also, please bear with us as we update our translation program. We are currently experiencing a bug that gives messages that are syntactically correct, but semantically bad. We hope to have this problem fixed within the next few days.
We’d also like to inform you that we have a wide variety of anime, manga, and live action series to amuse you during your stay with us. Feel free to partake of these complimentary amenities on the observation deck. Hentai and other adult activities can be found at on the Holo Deck. Last but not least, Level 4 hosts a number of different restaurants serving noodle and curry dishes as well as sushi, shabu shabu, and sukiyaki.
Once again, thank you for flying Spaceship Japan. We hope you enjoy your journey with us, and that you will choose us again on your next interplanetary flight. This is your captain, Troll Hobgob, signing off.”